Worth it...or Not?

7:00 AM

Hi y'all,

This is something that has been weighing heavily on my heart recently.

Not everything is worth it, others are worth more than their weight in gold.

I recently told an old friend about some stuff that was going on in my life. Her response was "wow that is a lot" and promptly stopped contacting me. Like, duh. That's why I didn't want to tell you, and quite frankly why I haven't told a lot of people.

But then, I remembered thinking back to how I felt in January and February of 2016. I had already started taking classes for my teaching licensure through the community college and was working full time. And by full time, I mean literally working all the time. I had maybe two days off a week (sometimes that was pushing it) and often worked long stretches (like 7 days without a day off). Also, I wasn't being treated that great at my place of employment. As many of you know I already knew I needed a change, so I took a leap of faith and applied for a job that could have only lasted from start day through the first week/week and a half in June. Luckily, that job continued for me through the next school year (my last day is Friday, and I'm  already super sad about it). I also have another job that has fulfilled my time during the summer and during school breaks (and makes it so I work 40+ hours during the school year most weeks).

I have friends like my college roommate and my best friend who are willing to talk to me about things and lend me a shoulder (or a cute puppy or kitten) when I need it.

I've also been looking at my spending habits. Especially since in August I won't have a paying job for most of the time, since I'm only going to be able to work a few weekends a month (instead I get to pay to work, yay student teaching). Even though, this means that I'm at the end of my teaching licensure path, I know that I will have to make my money stretch further than I'm used to.

Obviously I've done some soul searching recently. It became important to me to look at what I really need (and what I don't).

How do I know if it's worth the leap of faith?

Well, if I think it will benefit me in some way shape or form. I was willing to take the job in education because I thought it would help me really recognize it as a goal (and the experience doesn't hurt either). On the same token, I haven't bought a new computer yet because mine is still functioning and meeting all my needs (minus the fact that Microsoft Office doesn't work on it, but I've managed without it).

If it doesn't hurt anyone, its okay. This includes emotionally. I'm not so much of a go-getter that I will do anything to reach my goals, they have to be pretty reasonable actually. I do try to make it so that everyone (within reason) is taken care of. I would never buy a house that I knew would take me forever to pay off or that I wouldn't be able to live comfortably. I would make sure my family is taken care of. Why would I go on some ravish vacation if it meant something else was neglected?

However, I've also realized it isn't worth it if I'm emotionally drained all the time. I'm an important human, too. I (and everyone else) deserves to be listened to. We all deserve just as much emotional attention as everyone else. Believe me, I've been there. It goes along with if someone is always asking for your advice and then doesn't follow it and complains the entire time. When the situation is over they go "oh I should have listened"...why did you ask for my advice in the first place? Sometimes, that relationship needs to be ended unless there is a conversation about the changes that need to happen. A friendship or relationship or any sort is a two way street, it does take two to tango after all.

Moral of the story, the pros and cons of the situation need to be weighed before the metaphorical cutting of the cord or the jumping blindly into the abyss.

This doesn't mean that it isn't a mistake to cut the cord or jump blindly into the abyss. It also doesn't mean the relationships can't be fixed. Sometimes, it takes some soul searching and you have to be willing to be wrong.

with southern grace,

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with southern grace,